I want to write a love story you see, but I cannot. I will not. But I want to. My problem here is the fact that I’ve never lived a love story, all I see is and understand are my dreams of what I had always wanted for love. I’ve never noticed the love or felt it until after; I left my heart on my sleeve and it got shattered there. Thats why I cannot write a love story. I had so many mixed emotions about the past, along with a textbook of excuses as to why I couldn’t do something. Now, looking back, I’m the one who took from myself, and no one else. I used to blame my unhappiness on people, usually anyone who had “done me wrong” most recent to my newest issue. I’m so ashamed of that today. I was chasing everything my past had written for me, and I wanted it so badly, I yearned for it. It never came. It was the past- therefore it belongs where it was. I was hurting, but I also caused some of that hurt. It can’t always be all one sided; it can’t always be someone else’s fault. I was at blame too (for more than enough might I add). I’ve felt a lot of pain that was put upon me, as well as the pain self induced. That is why I can’t write a love story. I want to. I want it to be all true, and I want to wrap my mind in it and marvel in my love but I can’t. That is why I cannot write a love story. I want to, but I cannot. I will one day though, and it will be beautiful.
– Zoë
Past Lives and Prose 